It is a quarter past twelve in the morning, and I am aware of two things:
1) I cannot sleep
2) I will not be running with RTR in the morning
And it's a shame, too. I'd been looking forward to tomorrow's (well, technically today's) run the whole week -- a 22-mile jaunt from Mac, including Stone Oak, but now, it will not come to pass. As it is, I'm already extremely tired -- hit the proverbial wall twice on the short shop ride -- yet sleep evades me. I'm sure it's my own fault, too. I was the dolt who went to Borders a few hours ago for a pumpkin spice chai. Figured I'd be safe with the small; shows what I know.
So, here I sit, in the computer room at S--- & K---, looking after their trio of Boxers: Zoë, Big-a-Toe, and Four-of-Seven. I didn't name them; I just get to look after them from time-to-time. My time here (all eight hours of it) has been productive, though. I've essentially caught up on grading for my juniors and am set to begin grading my sophomore's CMC exam. Grades have also been updated for all classes, so I've now only the coming week's lesson plans to tend to tomorrow...er, today.
I'm not sure why it is I've been unable to sleep the past few days. One would think I'd be exhausted at the end of the day, ready for sleep, what, with my days now beginning at 4:30 in the morning for swim practice. Then again, I'm not the one who gets to swim. Yeah, I've tossed my name in the hat to assist with the swim team this year, which means practice twice a day, no stipend, but plenty of opportunity to learn. It's only been a few days, and my training has already taken a hit, but I believe that is due more to my lack of preparation for entering the program -- everything happened so quickly. One day I send out an email offering to help, the next day I'm on deck being primed for a coach's spot...even though it'll likely not happen until next year. Oh yeah, next year.
Next year appears somewhat fuzzy. My goal was to land a job in the Schertz district, teach with K---, and eventually work into the swim & cross-country programs. I got the job, but K--- moved. Then lightning struck, and the world changed. At least, it looked as though it was going to change; for a while, it did.
Kat entered my life during a weekend trip to visit D--- & K---. We instantly hit it off, sharing many of the same philosophies on life & relationships, exchanged business cards & a few emails, but nothing much happened. Then I called her. The following weekend, I again found myself in Dallas on the RBM ride and later at dinner before finding some comfy chairs to sit and literally talk the entire night. We shared something beautiful, and I came under the impression that I might need to start looking at moving to Dallas at the end of the current school year. But lightning struck again: Kat was being moved to Connecticut.
No problem. I thought I could even handle Connecticut, in spite of it being homeland of J---, Queen Bitch of the Universe; Kat's long-term plan was to move home to New York, which I knew I could handle, despite my disdain for the cold. I mean, all you need is love, right?
The hours-long phone conversations lasted a week or two more, but as the time of Kat's next trip grew closer, the conversations grew shorter. I came to realize with bitter coldness just how far apart we were, literally, even though I figuratively never felt closer to anyone, including L---. Now, the calls have all but stopped; we talked twice the past week, and for less than half-an-hour, total. I feel lost, alone. Wait & hope...if only it were so easy.
Such has been my life as of late and the excuse I plan to use for why I've not made an entry in so long -- not that this rambling tirade remotely qualifies itself as a competent entry, let alone a decent piece of prose, worthy of even electronic, online publication. Still, much of what was said was something I just needed to get out. I feel a little better, a little more tired now, so perhaps I can now find the sleep that has eluded me. Kat, if you're reading this, just know that I miss you, but that I do not wish to hold you back or otherwise complicate your life any more than what it already is. Be well; be at peace.
For the rest of you, be well & at peace, too, and thanks for reading.//d